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Monday morning check-in. Someone’s presenting last week’s numbers.
- Web traffic? Up.
- Feature release? On time.
- Sign-ups? Best week yet.
Everyone nods, satisfied. You’re about to move on when someone asks:
“So... why does it still feel like we’re stuck?”
You open the next dashboard... a business health snapshot.
- Revenue? Flat.
- Churn? Climbing.
- Support? Overwhelmed.
And that creeping question returns:
“Are we solving the right problems — or just checking boxes?”
If that sounds painfully familiar, you're not alone. You're probably tracking Vanity Metrcis — the kind that look like progress but don’t drive it. Metrics that celebratde motion, not traction.
Let’s fix that.
When Vanity Metrics Masquerade as Success
Vanity metrics — or as we call them around here, phantom KPIs — are the dashboard equivalent of empty calories.
They look great in slides. They feel good to present. They win you applause in meetings.
But they don’t answer the one question that matters: “What should we do next?”
Think: follower counts, app downloads, page views, raw sign-ups.
Shiny? Sure. But disconnected from outcomes.
John Cutler calls it optics over rigor.
Eric Ries nails it as success theater.
I saw it firsthand at a company I worked:
- Marketing was hyped about monthly visitors — but none converted.
- Product shipped new features — adoption flatlined.
- Sign-ups were growing — but upgrades? Crickets.
Every team was "crushing it." But the business? Stuck.
Why? Because vanity metrics hit like a dopamine slot machine. That traffic spike. That viral post. That shipped feature. It feels like winning. But it hides the truth: no traction, no value, no growth.
If your dashboard makes you feel good but still leaves you asking, “Why isn’t anything moving?” — it’s time to zoom out.
Common Vanity Metrics (and Why They Suck)
Let’s call them out by team:
Marketing
- Page views: — unless tied to conversions, they're just digital noise.
- Social followers — 10k likes ≠ 10 customers.
- Email list size means nothing if open and click rates are trash.
A custom home builder blew up on TikTok. Viral posts everywhere. Sales? Zero. When they shifted to inquiry rate, things turned around.
Real KPIs: CAC, pipeline contribution, lead-to-customer rate.
Product
- Features shipped — busywork without user adoption.
- Daily Active Users (DAU) — if they’re not using core features, it’s hollow.
- Time in app — could mean engagement, could mean confusion.
Slack one celebrated org sign-ups but realised the real signal was in how many messages were sent. When they shifted to tracking "weekly active teams sending 2k+ messages", churn dropped by 30%.
Real KPIs: Activation rate, feature adoption, time-to-value, NPS.
Growth
- Sign-ups — are they trial users? Will they convert?
- App downloads — don’t matter if churn is sky-high.
- Registered users — Fab.com had 10M. Then they died.
Fab.com focused on registered users and GMV, ignoring retention and profitability. The result? Burnout and collapse. Contrast that with Dropbox, who pivoted from tracking sign-ups to active file-sharing users and grew 2900% in 15 months.
Real KPIs: Retention cohorts, LTV, trial-to-paid conversion.
The Aha: Motion ≠ Progress
Here’s the truth: A metric isn’t a trophy. It’s a traffic light.
It should help you decide whether to go, stop, or reroute.
If it’s not helping you steer the business, it’s not a KPI — it’s noise.
And the most dangerous ones? They go up and to the right while your business quietly drifts sideways.
That’s why you need a better filter.
5 Proven Ways to Spot and Replace Vanity Metrics
These five tools will help you cut the fluff and spotlight the numbers that actually move the business.
1. The "So What?" Test
Ask of any metric: If this metric goes up or down, do we know what to do next?
If the answer’s “not really” — it’s vanity.
As Eric Ries says, “The only metrics that matter are the ones that inform decisions.”
2. The 3A Test
A quick gut-check for every KPI:
- Aligned – Does it map to a real business goal?
- Actionable – Can the team influence it directly?
- Assessable – Can it be clearly measured?
If it fails one of these? Ditch or demote it.
3. The R.E.A.L. Framework
Great for upgrading fluffy metrics into drivers of action:
- Relevant: Linked to strategic goals
- Explicit: Clearly defined and agreed upon
- Actionable: Drives next steps
- Layered: Includes context (e.g., segments, cohorts)
Don’t stop at "signups". Ask: How many activated? How many stayed? What’s their LTV?
4. Output vs. Outcome Mapping
Every activity (email sent, feature launched) should tie to a real outcome (revenue, retention, conversion). If it doesn’t? It’s just motion — not progress. Use it when you’re setting OKRs or reviewing project impact.
5. The Vanity Metric Test (John Cutler)
Perfect for dashboards in cleanup mode. Ask:
- Why do we track this?
- What decision does it inform?
- What assumption ties it to business value?
- Does it include context?
If you’re shrugging by the second question — cut it.
These filters are your KPI BS detector. But cutting vanity metrics isn’t the end of the work.
The real transformation happens next.
The Bigger Shift: From Applause to Alignment
This isn’t just about dashboards. It’s about culture.
Here’s the hard truth: most teams don’t resist KPI change because they love bad metrics. They resist because vanity KPIs feel good, are easy to track, easy to praise, and baked into legacy habits. So, expect pushback.
But if you’re trying to lead your team out of the vanity trap, here are a few hard-won lessons I’ve learned — and how you can make the shift stick:
1. Expect Resistance (and Meet It Head-On)
You’re not just swapping numbers — you’re changing what success looks like.
People will push back. You’ll hear:
- “But we’ve always tracked that.”
- “It’s in the board deck.”
- “This one’s easier to explain.”
Let them talk. Then show the disconnect.
Pull up a real dashboard: “This campaign got 10k clicks… and zero sales.” Let the pain speak.
When the gap between feel-good and real-good is undeniable, change gets easier.
2. Teach the Difference Between Signal and Noise
Most teams aren’t lazy — they’re just unclear.
Run a working session. No slides, just your actual metrics.
Ask: “What would we do if this went up 20%? What if it dropped?”
If the room goes quiet? That’s a vanity metric.
Help them see it.
3. Rebuild Dashboards Around Decisions
Every number should earn its place. Ask: “What action does this inform?"
Start simple:
- Keep "Sign-ups" if you must — but pair it with "Trial-to-paid conversion."
- Don’t just show "Page Views" — show conversion by traffic source.
Stack the top with KPIs that move strategy. Tuck the rest in a secondary tab. Visibility ≠ importance.
4. Change What You Celebrate
If you keep spotlighting traffic spikes, don’t be surprised when the team keeps chasing them.
Flip it.
Start the all-hands with:
- “Retention up 8% after the onboarding tweak.”
- “NPS jumped 12 points post-support flow redesign.”
Reward progress, not performance theater. Your culture will follow your applause.
5. Model It From the Top
If leaders chase traffic spikes, so will the team.
If they ask, “What moved LTV or retention?” — that’s what gets optimized.
You don’t need to micromanage metrics. Just steer the spotlight.
This shift is 30% tooling, 70% behavior.
But once your team feels what it’s like to make sharper decisions, celebrate real wins, and measure what matters — there’s no going back.
Your KPI To-Do This Week
Don’t overthink it. Start small.
- Pick one metric on your dashboard that smells like vanity.
- Ask your team:
- Why do we track this?
- What decision does it drive?
- What could we track instead?
- Then act:
- Remove it.
- Reframe it.
- Pair it with something real.
You're not just cleaning up a dashboard.
You're teaching your team to think like operators.
Start with one. The rest will follow.
Let’s measure what matters. ✊ !!